dear world,
i am well aware that you do not recognize me anymore, that i am not even close to being the same person that i was once. so much has changed with me over the past year and even as recently as the past month. everything has been a complete whirlwind. i went from having somebody totally in love with me to losing that within a week's time. i think that would take a toll on anybody.
i am also well aware that you do not approve of my coping strategies and yes, i do realize that everything i am doing is only to try to get over it. it's helping so far, i'm sorry if you're disappointed.

kevin devine is a brilliant man and he has summed up everything i've been feeling lately in this:
A good man doesn't drink
And I've been drinking alone
So what does that make me?

My hands they always shake
And no one's calling my phone
So what does that make me?

And I know the kid with his guitar
So drunk and anxious
Has been done to death
But tell me what hasn't
I'll try it

Because I'm selfish enough
To wanna get better
But I'm backwards enough
Not to take any steps to get there

And when you realize it's a pattern
And not a phase
It's what you've become
And it's what you will stay
That's ballgame

'Cause I don't got room in my life
For anyone else
And I've driven away all the
People that could help
And I still don't even know what I
Need to do to fix myself

And there's a clamp around my chest
It tightens every time I lapse into
Another sorry story

About my miserable collapse
A bronze box I keep encased in glass
And dust off whenever I want your pity

'Cause lately I've had to come to grips
With scope and figure
How my problems stack up in a world
Two steps from ruin
(Or maybe it's rapture)

Well, either way, I realize that my shit's
About as small as it could be
But that makes me feel worse for even feeling
This bad in the first place