i think there is something wrong with me. lately there are times when i just get so disgusted at the thought of someone touching me, even z. it's not her. it's something going bad in my head. i fight with everybody over tiny minuscule things that most of the time don't even exist. i point out invisible faults in practically every person in my life so that i have an excuse to not get close to them. i used to be this way but things changed. now everything is back to where it started and i'm not really diggin' it. i don't want to hurt anyone. i don't want to hurt myself.

also, i haven't been eating much lately. one meal a day normally, two tops. yesterday i hadn't eaten all day and i decided to have a lean cuisine. my mom says, "are you sure you should eat that?" really mom? it's a lean cuisine. i can't believe that even happened. sorry that not all of us are on your stupid little shake diet. i hate food. i never wanted to be one of those girls that says things like that. sometimes i look in the mirror and i'm just so disgusted. i haven't been sleeping enough either so if i even try to exercise i get exhausted after ten minutes. vicious cycle. insane circle. round. me.

i hate being a teenage girl. i hate being a teenager in general. i hate being a girl in general. i hate being a part of this society. i was told recently that i care more about appearances/what others think than things that actually matter. ouch. maybe it's true though.

oh and i give up on writing.